Doesn't the pixie-sized Kristen Bell look all authoritative dressing down the lanky Martin Starr in this scene from Party Down. And yes, that's the real Sulu in the background. He's got to be the most adorable gay Asian man I've never met.

Since the cleaning and fighting circuit had dried up a bit, and it’s much more strenuous when you actually have to do the work yourself and can’t delegate to your small army of illegal ninjas, I decided branch out into other business opportunities.

You’ve got to expand or die, that’s what the management consultants on House of Lies have taught me. Have you seen that show? It’s a little blue with its filthy language and the S-E-X and flashes of naked people doing naughty things. (You even see Don Cheadle’s bum. Strike that one off the Fantubu-bucket List!) But it’s taught me so much about how to run a business. Most important lessions, take full advantage of the moments when time stops for everyone else but you.

And Kristen Bell’s hair is so adorably fantabulous. The long, wavy hair makes her look glamorous and statuesque. ‘Course I don’t need help with either of those things. Kristen Bell’s barely taller than a fire hydrant. I’m a runway model by comparison. And I always look glamtabulous. But I do like her shade of blond. Maybe the makeup girl at my local Shoppers knows what dye number it is. Something in the 20s, I’m guessing…. I wonder if I can buy a Kristen Bell wig somewhere. Then I go undercover… as Kristen Bell!

Anyway, so thanks to House Of Lies, I decided to expand my business. But into what? Obviously, my vast array of cleaning supplies aren’t that transferable to other professions. But, as you know, I have extremely honed organizational skills and which are transferable to almost any profession, including runway model. What? You really want a disorganized runway model? Think about it!

But then, after sending King Thunder out for another bottle of scotch – for Major Faultline! -  a brilliant thought hit me. Thanks to Kristen Bell… again. Because, you see, before Kristen Bell was a management consultant in House Of Lies and after she was a modern-day Nancy Drew in Veronica Mars and concurrent to her being the voice of Gossip Girl in Gossip Girl, she had a guest-starring role on Party Down as a no-nonsense catering company manager. And I realized I could do that. I mean, I can look cute in one of those cater-waiter outfits. And even in this compromised state, I was able to teach Captain Euchre how to mix drinks. What else do you need, right?

Well, apparently, a lot. For starters, Euchre needs a muzzle or bandana to keep his drool from falling into the martinis. Martini drinkers can be such perfectionists! And secondly, the ability to cook a large amount of food. I found that out on my first job this week. AAA Cleaning was booked for a retirement party. Cecil Simpson was retiring from Globotrobal Systems after 50 years on the job. He started in the sweatshop at 15 and had worked his way all the way up to middle management. In addition to the party, for his long years of service, he was given a gold pen. Of course, they took away his company walker. Whatever, it was a truely inspiring ceremony. Although it was difficult to hear all the speaches with everyone shooting their drink orders over and over. I mean, alcoholic much? I’ll get your drinks to you after I’m done being inspired! Some people just shouldn’t drink. I think I did most of them a favour when I realized I forgot the gin – hey, I remembered all the different garnishes! – and put water in their drinks instead.

But then it came time for the dinner. And apparently they were expecting me to provide it. I mean, that’s a little much, isn’t it? I set the tables and Captain Euchre served the damp, watery cocktails. And I was perfectly prepared to serve the food, but I didn’t think I had to buy and cook the food. That’s what chefs are for, aren’t they? Sure, I agreed to the menu with the CEO’s secretary Gladys – it sounded amazing! But I thought it was just to let me know what I was supposed to be carrying. Seriously, where was I supposed to find Komodo dragon for 300 in Toronto? The zoo hung up on me right away. Where’s our tax money going, if not to Komodo dragons?

Luckily, there was a KFC nearby. So I put Dyna Gal’s credit card in Captain Euchre’s mouth and wheeled him over to buy 150 25-Piece Party Packs. And just told them Komodo dragon now comes breaded. And yes, hand-farmed sea kelp salad with virgin pearl oil dressing tastes a little like coleslaw, but you and I have the palate to tell the difference, right?

I’m so going to H E Louis CK.

But, know I know, right? It’s not like they teach these things in school. Wait, that came out wrong. It’s not I ever went to school, right? The only thing that made the whole night worthwhile was the $15, 000 dollar cheque Gladys handed me at the end of the night. I guess Komoda dragons are expensive. And since I didn’t have to actually pay for Komodo dragon, booze, or any kind of wait or kitchen staff, I once again have proven myself a shrewd and Fantabulous business woman!